Quick Post

Little Man is getting ready to cut his third tooth. And he took his first solo step yesterday. We're on a non-stop train now.

Just so you know...

The computer is completely dead. Let's just say there was an unfortunate incident involving a frustrated kiddo playing a computer game for way too long and that in the anger, the computer lost and is now no longer functioning. So, posts will be even fewer and far between. Hope you are all doing better than me.

Letting myself feel a little at a time.

I miss my house. I can think of so many reasons why I shouldn't be missing it, but right now, with people drinking and talking loudly out in the hall at an unthinkable hour this morning, I miss my house. Most of the other employees that are staying in this apartment complex are young, in the 18-21 range. So, I can understand that they are just blowing off steam from the week and having some weekend fun. But I just wish that I could put up a sign or put out a flier that informs them that there are 3 kiddos in the house trying to sleep and so is their overworked, stressed-out mother. And to please BE QUIET!

The first sign I had that I was feeling the pangs of separation from my house was when we visited the library. I wandered through the aisles, familiarizing myself with the layout, and I stumbled on the home decorating/design section. Normally, I would plant myself on the floor and peruse each shelf in this section, load up on at least 7 or 8 books and enjoy them slowly at home. I would search eagerly through the pages to find some new inspiration, interesting color palette or unique space-saving technique to apply to my own home. As I stared down the long shelves of the decorating books, it hit me...hard. I don't have a house any more, no home to decorate, to paint the walls whatever color I choose. I can't even hang a picture in our place without fearing a fine. What would be the point of checking out any of those books? It would just be a reminder of what I no longer have. And, for the first time, the weight, the heaviness of what we have been and are going through settled on my chest and heart. I have not let myself feel the full weight of it, I have not let myself wallow. But for that moment in the library, I did. And all I could do was shake my head in acknowledgement of my pain and move on to the next aisle...which was gardening. Not much better, but getting there.

Time to play catch up on some posts, while I have a few minutes anyway. First, my birthday last month. I turned 29. My last year in my 20s. While there were some great blessing this last year, I told H that it was also the hardest year on me physically. Having a baby at the end of my 20s is a bit harder on the body than having a baby was at the beginning of my 20s. I was already carrying around about 15 extra pounds of stress weight before I got preggo and it was just compounded after that. The weight is not the only sign of our recent stressful situation. I have added more wrinkles to my face than I have ever noticed before. Wrinkles and aging, I don't mind. I just don't like that they came so quickly in such a short amount of time. The loss of income and some stability in our economic outlook has increased these unwelcome developments much more than I like.

So, the last year of my life has been full of blessings: a new baby, a healthy family, a roof over our heads, food, warmth, friends and family. And I try to choose to dwell on these things, not the extra 20 lbs. or the lines around my eyes and across my forehead. Yeah, I could still do without those though.

My birthday, itself, was a good one. H made me a cake, made dinner, and I got a nice, long nap. The kids sang happy birthday to me and it took all my lung capacity to blow out the candles, and there were only about 12. But I enjoyed a relaxing day and some great cake for a couple of days.

Mother's Day. We went to Nag's Head Beach for Mother's Day. Sunday is the only day of the week H has off, so we briefly attended church and then headed east. The beaches on the outer banks are about 3 hours from us, so we arrived there at about 3 p.m. We changed into our swimsuits and since the ocean was really cold, we only waded in up to our knees. The kids collected hundreds of sea shells and we strolled along the beach, squishing the sand in our toes and savoring the feel of the tide rolling over our legs again and again. It was gorgeous. Little Man did not like the sand on his feet and it took a while before he would even touch it with his hands. One dip of his feet in the water and he shivered enough to let us know that it was too cold for him. It was great to see him reaction to the ocean though. I think that he thought it was a big bath. He also sucked on some of the large seashells. After the beach, we drove by the Bodie Island lighthouse. It was already closed for the day, but it was beautiful to look at. We are hoping to go back soon and spend more time up and down the outer banks.

So, that is an update. Also, Bree is finally here and it's nice to have such a wonderful friend nearby. We are planning a trip to the science museum tomorrow. Tiny is off-track for the next 3 weeks, so I am trying to come up with ways to entertain her. Both the kids love that Bree is here. They adore her. I am hoping to upload some videos and more pics soon. Take care.

Heaven Help Us

Little Man is cutting his second tooth. And can climb. And just figured out how to open cabinets. Oh boy.