Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. --Victor Hugo

I rarely watch American Idol. Usually the auditions are enough for me and I already know who is going to be in the top 3. But I happened to catch it tonight and I'm glad I did because they were covering Motown hits. And it got me in the mood for some oldies. Also, Smokey Robinson was on there too. I love that man.

Those who know me well, know that I can sing old country and old R&B songs like nobody's business. The reason? As a kid, we took a lot of road trips and before the wonder of individual CD players, and waaaaay before mp3 players, we had to listen to the tape (yes, I said tape) player. And who was in control of those dials? You guessed it, Mom and Dad. And what did they like? Country and oldies. And they had tapes like "Greatest Hits of..." and "Best Country Hits". So, after 4 hours minimum of these tapes, I had a strong grasp of every word of every song. And I loved them...but I don't know if I ever really admitted that to them.

“Like all great travellers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen.”--Benjamin Disraeli

I have not liked moving since I was 15. I have moved about 15 times in my life. Sometimes to new towns, sometimes to new houses, and sometimes back to previous ones. I was born in Alamogordo, NM. We moved to Spain when I was almost 2, then TX less than a year later, then to Clovis, NM when I was 4. We stayed in Clovis for 10 years and then moved back to my mom's hometown in NM when I was 15. I hated it. I had planned to graduate with all the people I had started kindergarten with, but didn't.

At 16, I moved to TX to live with my sister and moved back to NM less than a year later. After marrying H, we lived in one house for 2 years and then another for 2 more. At 23, H and I, with the kids, moved to UT and have been here for 5 1/2 years. Within that time, we have lived in 3 different places. And now, we are moving again. We've been in this house for 3 years, the longest we've lived in one house since we married ten years ago. The kids have been in their school for 4 years, the longest they've been in the same school.

So, to say that leaving will be hard is an understatement. But I am looking toward our trip as a great adventure. A sojourn that few people with three kids get to take. A flight of fancy, if you will. Ok, that may be taking it a bit far. But it will definitely be an adventure in that it will be something very different and far away from all we know.

I am tackling the packing with a renewed vigor and am making some headway. I am getting tired, but at least the sealed boxes are multiplying and the stuff in each room is diminishing. We will visit some family in Idaho for the first few days of April and then we will set out on our trip to NC. We are giving ourselves a full week to get there and we will have a long weekend to settle in before H has to start work and the kids start school.

The trip will be from UT to Cheyenne, WY. Cheyenne to Lincoln, NE where we will stay with some cousins. Lincoln to St. Louis where we hope to sight-see a bit. St. Louis to Louisville where we will stay with some friends. Louisville to Charlotte. And then Charlotte to Raleigh. It will be a long trip and I have no delusions that it will be easy. One trailer, two cars, three kids, a dog and over 2,000 miles. Not the easiest of equations.

In the meantime, I must finish packing this week. I also have a baby shower to help with, a potluck, a bbq and many goodbyes. It's going to be a busy week. I will try to post again, but if I don't, you know why.

Life's a garden. Dig it!

Corny, but "Joe Dirt" is funny. I bought it for H a couple of weeks ago because we've seen it so many times and I figured we should have it. Another movie I like is "Sahara". Not because it's a great movie, or even because Matthew McC could melt the buttons on the remote. No, I love the soundtrack. Songs like "We're an American Band" and "Sweet Home Alabama" make me wanna rock out.

Moving on...I had a pretty successful yard sale yesterday. We still have some extra stuff to get rid of, but definitely less than before. Having a yard sale isn't as fun as it was before. It's hard to keep an eye out for yard-salers when I'm trying to play with, feed, and put Little Man to sleep. The kids helped a lot though.

So, we're about T-minus 3 weeks from heading to North Carolina. We finally got to look up what apartments we'll be staying in and they are really nice and brand-spanking new. We'll be getting a 3 bed, 2 bath and it also has washer/dryer hookups. Anyone that has had to haul laundry for 5 people back and forth to a laundry room knows how much it sucks and how great it is to have the hookups. The complex also has a theater room, a volleyball court, a workout room, and a dog park. I'm looking forward to seeing it. I'm really glad that we'll be able to take the dog. I can't imagine how lonely it would be without her.

Today was a nice slow Sunday. After church, the kids and I hung out while H was at work. Later, we headed to the park and fed the ducks and geese. Tiny had brought her basketball and, of course, managed to bounce it in the lake. Thankfully, the lake is mostly drained right now, but it still landed in a good-sized amount of water. Mister and I were trying to figure out how to get it out and noticed that it was not stuck and was floating. So, he and I started throwing large rocks behind it and created enough ripples to move it where we wanted it to go. It took a while and I still had to step one foot in the water before the ball floated into a drain, but we saved it. The things we do for our kiddos. It was fun though, trying to figure something out and working with Mister to get it. I've got some smart kids. And finally, that elementary science came in handy. Now, if only the math was useful...joking.

sahara

Green, the color of hunger.

Nothing new to convey. Just living day to day. Sorry, didn't mean to rhyme. Little Man is closer to crawling. He's doing a kind of crawl scoot. He also said his first deliberate word. We were in bed the other morning and he looked at H and said, "Dada, dada." He is also saying "nananana". I think he is saying "nononono" because I have been saying that to him lately when he is getting into something he shouldn't.

Speaking of that, I was holding him in the kitchen a couple of days ago and while I was washing a bowl, he got his little hands on a glass full of water. It fell to the floor and shattered. We've all been on a roll lately with breaking plates, bowls, and cups. So, I decided that with little hands on the loose, we would need more durable dishes. So, I am chucking all of our plates, bowls and cups and I bought new ones from Target. They are all plastic (melamine, polypropylene, whatever). They are also a great green color. The plates look a lot like this pic and the cups are these same ones, only the ones I bought are green, not brown. The bowls are also the same green. I also only bought five of each thing. That way, it will be easier to keep up with the dishes and everyone can be responsible for washing and taking care of one each. It will also make for lighter packing when we head to NC.












The packing is going very slow. I am only packing a little at a time. I am hoping that it will all add up to enough when the time to leave closes in. But, that is all I can do somedays while having to watch Little Man. I am also weeding out stuff we don't need and selling it online. I sold two lamps and a coffeepot today, my pool cue last week, and the kids' dirt bike. A few things gone, a million more to go.

Us LonDolls are planning a baby shower for Liz. I'm really looking forward to it. I hope she gets everything she needs. I hate that I won't be here for her when she has her baby, but you can bet that kids is going to be seriously spoiled when I get back.

Well, if you don't hear from me for a while...look for me under a pile of boxes and masking tape. But don't wake me. I'm tired.

Two Thumbs Up

I just finished this book and I have to say that I loved it. It was very well written. The characters were interesting and many. When there are many characters in the story, it's easy for the writer to not represent each individually and well. But, Lisa Jewell made each character as interesting as the next. I was anxious to know about each person and how things turn out for them. Each person's story is unique and, in some cases, even painful. However, the story is not heavy. It's a great read, easy to stick with and ends well. I will definitely be looking up more books by this author. And I highly recommend this book if you enjoy a story with diverse characters, a solid story, and a satisfying journey through the pages. I give it two thumbs up.

(I don't know who this kid is...but he's cute.)

North Carolina is the place you wanna be...

That's where we will be spending the summer. H is taking a job with APX installing alarms and it will be in Raleigh, NC. This is good news for a few reasons. One, it's work. And as our friend Dave said, steady work with a steady paycheck ain't nothing to sneeze at right now. It will actually pay well enough to help us get back on our feet. Two, we'll get to travel to a new place. I love traveling. I'm sure it will be a long trip with Little Man, but I'm excited. And three, we will get to spend the whole summer with some of my favorite people, Bree and Ryan. If you know Bree, you know this will be fun. She's like sunshine to be around. Love you, girl.

So, we have a LOT to do before we leave. H can start work around mid-April and that is when we plan to be there. So, I have two months to sort and pack the entire house. I plan to sort it all into three categories: stuff to sell or donate, stuff to store while we're away, and stuff to pack to take with us. I am a bit overwhelmed just looking around and thinking about it. We are hoping that the house will have sold by then. If not, then we will likely still be losing it about that time. So, this job is good timing.

Since we will be leaving in April, we will need to transfer the kids to a school in Raleigh to finish out the last 6 or 8 weeks of the year. I'm pretty sure that this will be tough for them since they've been at the same school for about four years, but I'm hoping we can make it as painless as possible. Apparently, I found out after talking to my dad, this will not be my first visit to NC. We were there when I was a baby. He said that I wouldn't go near the ocean when we visited the beach until I was safely on his shoulders. I remember seeing a picture of this, but didn't know that it was in NC. And now, I'm going there with my own little one...and his twol cute siblings. It's funny that when we went to D.C., Tiny was the same age as I was the first time I went there. Maybe, if this pattern continues, I'll also be taking them to London and Ireland, hopefully before the age that I was when I went.

So, that is the main event in our lives right now. If I am not posting as much, now you know why. I will be trying to pull off a miracle in the next two months. Wish me luck.

Book Update

I finished "The Man Who Loved Jane Austen" by Sally Smith O'Rourke and I have to say that I kinda enjoyed it. It definitely didn't ring my bell, but I thought the concept of the story was an interesting one. I can't elaborate without giving the story away, but I could recommend it for a light, fun read that isn't completely engaging or engrossing.

As for "The Bronte Project" by Jennifer Vandever...I must warn you to run away, quickly. The book started with an interesting grasp, a woman searching for lost letters from and to the Bronte's and how they would shed unseen light on their works as writers. The book was interesting in the first part, confusing soon after, and then completely worthless. The characters were fleeting, shallow, and uninteresting. I knew it was time to quit reading when I was skipping whole paragraphs and couldn't care less about what happened to the main character. It became littered with casual, meaningless sex, recreational drug use, and aimless wandering by the characters and the story. I only made it half way through the story, something unheard of for me. I hate quitting on a book, but I knew that if I kept reading I was going to be confused, frustrated and bitterly disappointed to have lost the time and energy spent to finish it. I read the reviews on the back cover and wondered if those quoted had actually read the book, or even got past the first few chapters. Because, if they did, their quotes betray them as either liars or completely without knowledge of what constitutes a good novel.

Sorry for the rant. Hopefully I will have better reviews with the next two books I just picked up at the library. More to come.

What do we do? We swim, swim, swim.

I figured that I had better post while I had a chance. We got an offer on the house and it was significantly lower than our short-sale price. But, it's up to the mortgage company to approve the amount. If it's approved, we'll likely be somewhere new in the next month or two. I can't tell you how my stomach flip-flops when I think about this. Everyone says that they are impressed with how calm I have been about everything. I think I would call it resignation, not calm. Most times, I am pretty mellow, resigned to the fact that all I can do is go with the flow and take things as they come. And then, sometimes, it all catches up with me...all the worrying I'm not doing on those other days hits me all at once. My stomach knots up, I get easily frustrated, and really depressed. I stop talking in full sentences. I feel the need to cry, or yell. I know that given the situation, it's understandable how I feel on those days. But I hate feeling like that. I constantly remind myself that life could be sooo much harder than what I am experiencing right now. I should be constantly thankful that we are all healthy, well, and whole. And besides some stress, we're actually doing really well. We're fed, sheltered, warm, and comfortable. Just stressed. These are my mantras.

The future is looking blurry. I don't know where we'll be living in a couple months. I don't know if H will be working in a couple months. But I'm thankful we have some options. We have a loving family with spare rooms available anytime for us, even if they are in NM, 14 hours away. H has a summer job that is being offered to him with the chance for us all to travel for a few months. Our family and friends are really supportive and understanding that things are tight and unsure. I am just trying to get past the bad days of worry and focus on the positives. I sound like a Tony Robbins recording. But it's like Dory said, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. --Groucho Marx

I have been trying to keep up a steady pace of reading. One book I just finished is "The Go-To Girl" by Louise Bagshawe. I loved it. The story was great, the characters were believable, and it ended well. I recommend it for a fun read.I am now reading "The Man Who Loved Jane Austen" by Sally Smith O'Rourke. It is also proving to be very enjoyable. It toys with the idea of Fitzwilliam Darcy having been a real person in Jane Austen's life. I'm about halfway through it. Lined up next, I am going to finish reading "The Bronte Project: A Novel of Passion, Desire, and Good PR" by Jennifer Vandever. I began this while in NM and didn't finish it. But it also seemed promising. I'll let you know how they are.

I feel a story coming on...

Not much to report. Comp cord is still kaput, H's comp went kaput, now we're using Mister's comp. Also, our cell phone is kaput. Fun. Little Man is rolling everywhere and is trying to scoot a bit too. He managed to unplug the Gamecube while Tiny and Mister were playing it. Tiny brought him to me and told me what happened and all I could do was laugh. This, I'm sure, is only the beginning of the mischief.

WE HAVE A NEW PRESIDENT! Whether you're political or not, whether you like him or not...I am so excited. I told H that anytime I see Pres. Obama, I feel proud...and full of hope. I loved the inauguration, bloopers and all. I felt like I was witnessing something very important. I can't wait to see what he has in store and I hope to play a part in making a better tomorrow.

And the last update, I am beginning the first steps of writing a story. I'm hoping it will grow up to be a book, but I am excited. I'll just tell you that my research will be centered in familiarizing myself with the works of Jane Austen. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it, and I'm glad it's me. I have read half of her works and will reacquaint myself with them and introduce myself to the others. I will let you all know more as it progresses. Wish me luck.

Cord Troubles

Just putting in a post letting you know that my entries will be sparse for a bit. I have just killed my third power adapter for my laptop and will need to send it to Toshiba for it to be replaced. It sucks less to have it die when it's still under warranty.

Things are much the same here. I'm missing my family down in NM. I loved visiting them. We have the house up for sale and I am trying to weed through the extra crap we've accumulated during our time in this house. The realtor wants to have pictures taken soon and I'm trying to make it look like someplace a person would like to live in, rather than run for the hills screaming. You think I joke, but I'm dead serious. I have not had a handle on this house in quite some time. I hope I can weed through it til it hurts to give up anymore. That will help keep it presentable...for now. I also dread the idea of having to box all this stuff up and moving it to a new place half this size. Ugh.

H is working hard at the ski resort and losing weight. He weighed three days ago and he's down 27 lbs. I'm impressed with how disciplined he's been. The kids are enjoying their Saturday with a friend over, and avoiding any housework. Little Man is finally over most of his cold and can breathe through his nose again. He's still not back to sleeping through the night though. Not fun for me. H got a new (to us) car for $600 bucks. It just needed a few things repaired and works great for him to get back and forth to work. It's an old Crown Victoria police cruiser. Thankfully, it doesn't have any markings from when it was a cop car. It's really decent.

Well, that's all for now. Better try to clean something else before Little Man wakes up.

Pottery Barn Dreams

I remember the first time I received a Pottery Barn catalog. It was the Christmas 2003 catalog. I know this because I still have it. When I opened the pages for the first time, I nearly swooned. It was warm, it was comfortable-looking, it was beautiful. I loved everything in there. I wanted to go broke decorating my house with every little item. And I still feel that way every time I look at it...except the going broke part, we're already there...and, without one item of PB furniture.

I believe that it is very hard to find what your true style is. You can look at home magazines and like one style and you can window shop at furniture stores and admire a few of the items. But, it's when you walk into a room, be it literally (in a store) or figuratively (in the pages of a catalog) and what you see takes your breath away and simultaneously makes you feel all warm and fuzzy...you've found your style. So, as cliche as it may sound to some of the more eclectic or traditional decorators, Pottery Barn is my style.

Since that Christmas 2003 catalog, I have tried to receive as many of their regular catalogs as possible. Hey, they're free. And I have to say that my level of infatuation for their products has had ups and downs. I still love the warm colors of the fall and winter lines, but find myself picking and choosing from the spring and summer items. While I love bright colors, I prefer them as accents, not main designs. But, no matter the season, I can always pull out the PB catalog and feel my heart melt looking at my comfy, cozy ideal living room, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc. I think it's the clean, uncluttered spaces and fun designs that capture my heart and hold my attention. Maybe one day, I will be able to afford to leaf through each page and order to my heart's desire. Or maybe, I'll have to content myself to poring over each new catalog and at least match the wall colors the best I can and taking joy in a freshly painted room that mimics the ideal. Oh, to dream of clean rooms, beautifully decorated and wonderfully organized.

AT LAST!

I am so glad to be home. You wouldn't believe the weather and traffic we had to fight through on the way home. Usually, the trip from my parent's house to ours is a 14-hour drive. Well, it took us 14 hours to drive half the total distance. The snow wasn't so bad, but the road was a sheet of ice and the traffic was backed up for miles in some spots. We actually took a service road to get around the stalled traffic. There were a few accidents along the way and I'm thankful that we were safe.

We stopped at midnight last night to stay at a hotel and then got underway again this morning. Little did we know, we were only a little ahead of another big snowstorm. We stopped off at H's dad's house to visit and ate a bit before heading home, normally a 40-minute drive that took 2 hours. The storm had caught up with us. But, we made it home, safe and whole. The kids tore into some gifts that were waiting for them, played with their new things, ate some dinner, and headed to bed. They have school in the morning.

Little Man tolerated the trip pretty well. But I'm sure he won't want to see the inside of the car for a while. He won't sit in his carseat without fussing right now. The change from warm to cold weather on the trip seems to have caused him a slight fever. He was a little grumpy and generally feeling a bit yucky. But, hopefully, the tylenol will help and he'll be good to go soon. He is almost 6 months old and this was his first big trip. He seems to share his daddy's sentiments on travel; the shorter, the better.

I missed my house more than I thought. Right now, it looks like the van upchucked all our luggage into the livingroom. But I hope to get it all sorted soon. Thus will begin my "weeding" of the house. Since we are so behind on our mortgage, it will come down to either selling or foreclosure. We have the house listed in hopes of short-selling it before the mortgage company comes calling. So, either way, we'll likely be moving within the next couple of months. I am going to start "weeding" through our belongings in order to minimize what we will be needing to move to the next place.

On that note...H is still working at the ski resort. He is getting a lot of exercise and has lost 20 lbs. in the last month. He is also eating really well. He looks really good. You can see the difference in his face and his "glow". He looks healthier. I mistakenly weighed myself today and was dismayed to find that I did, indeed, gain weight on our vacation. I am now 25 lbs. heavier than I want to be. I am making a goal to lose this weight. I am not going to obsess or worry excessively about a time table. I have found that while I am breastfeeding, I am content that I have some extra weight that is helping to meet Little Man's needs. But I would like to be healthier and I am going to slowly start to work toward my goal. I already have an exercise regimen that I can start up again and, with the holidays over, I will be able to avoid some of those food temptations that I fall victim to. I will post on my progress as I make it.

Well, I better get some things in order for tomorrow and get some sleep. I don't think Little Man will sleep through the night while he's still getting reacquainted with his surroundings. Hope you are all safe and well too and enjoying those last few bits of holiday treats.

Fudge Hangover

I didn't know it was possible to have a fudge hangover...but it is. I indulged in my aunt's fudge two days in a row and woke up this morning with, what I can only describe as withdrawals. My pounding brain was telling me I needed caffeine and I needed it right away. So, after a lot of water, some Pepsi, and a couple of Tylenol, I was feeling much better. Did I learn from this little episode? Apparently not, because I indulged, yet again, in that fudge tonight. Seriously, her fudge is worth tempting fate.

We had a really great Christmas...except for missing H. The kids were blown away when they opened new mp3 players, wireless game controllers and quite a few other things that they had on their lists. They've been plugged in, listening to, wearing, and reading what they received every minute since. So, I'd say that happiness was achieved. Little Man is also enjoying his new teething rings and other assorted toys. I received new earphone buds (the memory foam ones), a beautiful bracelet from H via my parents, a small mirror with a "sister" poem on it from, well, my sister, and a shower radio that I've been wanting for about two years.

We spent Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house, eating posole and tamales. Yum! In the morning, we opened presents at my parents' and then the kids opened more at Grandma's. We followed that up with some delicious food: turkey, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes and gravy, fruit salad, and much more. I ate two of everything...so good. It's been really nice visiting my family and spending time here. But I also can't wait to see H and see home. I love the city we live in. It's so green and vibrant. I love seeing my kids in their school. I hope we can find a nice, new place to rent. H will be heading this way after New Year's Day to bring us all home. I think it will be hard to say goodbye to my folks. I've really enjoyed staying here.

Well, I'll post more later. Got a lot on my mind and I'm sure I'll want to share some of it.

The Reason

Merry Christmas

Tired, but blessed.

Just thought I would post an update. Nothing new, just staying with my folks and hanging out with the kids. We've been to the library twice in the last week. Being away from the stress at home is a plus, but I miss my husband, and my friends, and Utah. I love my family here, and I could probably live here if I needed to, but I'd rather be back home. I hope we can head back after the holidays. H is trying to work things out quickly with the house and the bills. I have to say that all of this has been a great trial, but I would rather go through all of this than any number of other, more tragic, trials in life. I feel really blessed. Tired, but blessed. I hope you are all feeling blessed too.

New Mexico: The Land of Enchantment

Growing up here, we used to call it "The Land of Entrapment". We couldn't wait to leave. And now, I find that it has become a haven. I was deliberately vague in my previous post about the reasons behind our trip. Well, I'm going to lay it out flat. We're struggling, a lot...financially. It looks like bankruptcy is in our immediate future, and that includes losing the house. H is also still out of work. Real estate ain't what it used to be. So, in the hopes of sparing the kids and I from some of the stress and worry, H suggested that we head down to NM to stay with my folks for a bit. He is returning home today and will be starting a job on Saturday and looking for another in the meantime. He will be taking care of the necessary arrangements regarding the bankruptcy and trying to take of the rest while also searching for a new place for us to dwell.

So, that is the truth. We have been struggling all year, but it has come to a point of constant worry. Creditors finally can't call anymore, a mixed blessing because it is due to our phones being shut off. Anyway, our families and friends have been such a blessing to us. They've been looking out for us, asking if we need anything, and actually following through on that with small gifts and loans that have helped us meet our needs. I am so humbled by their service to us. I hope that I can do the same whenever I am called upon.

H left this morning, really early. The whole situation hit me hard when I reached over to his side of the bed and it was empty. He had said goodbye, but I was half asleep. I hope things will work out quickly so that we won't be apart for long.

Before I leave this post dripping with sadness, know that we are okay. We are strong people with loving families. We will not be left without anything. The kids are enjoying the month-long "vacation" at my mom and dad's. We are looking forward to Christmas and New Year and spending time with family. I hope you are all faring well in these tough times. I am off to start the day. Love to all.

FYI

Just thought I'd let you all know that the kids and I will be headed out of town on Sunday to stay with my mom and dad for a bit. Don't worry...H and I are not separating or anything like that. The kids and I are going to get a jumpstart on our holiday vacation while H stays home and works. I will continue to post while we are gone. Hope you all have a great weekend.

I survived.

I survived. I survived Thanksgiving and Mister's 12th birthday party, all in the same week. My baby is now 12. A preteen. It's hard to believe. I won't say time has flown by, but I clearly remember holding this tiny being in my teenage arms and thinking, "It's just me and you, kid." I'm so glad that he is growing into such a good person, and has a wonderful father to guide him and be an example. He is healthy, happy, and smart. And today, he had a great day.

He had about 15 guests over for some games, cake, and hanging out. That kid ended up with a few toys and $62 in his pocket. I'd say he did pretty well. I made his cake with icing light sabers and lego star wars men atop it. It was all chocolate, inside and out. I keep wondering at what age he will tell me that homemade cakes and games are too "little kid" for him. I hope not too soon. I do, however, sense that it won't be long before his birthday parties have the word "dance" on the invite and I'll be banished to another room for the duration. I think I did that at about 13 or 14. My mom was a good sport though.

Thanksgiving also went great. We had dinner at H's brother's house with his family, another brother and his family, and a friend from church. The food was worth the wait. I made my deviled eggs, candied yams, and mashed potatoes. Can't go wrong with any of those.

I hope you each had a great holiday too and didn't stress on Black Friday too much. And I hope you have plenty of turkey leftovers.

What's your blog's personality type?

I found this fun website, Typealyzer, that is like a personality test for your blog. I found it through the lovely and hilarious Lemon Gloria. Just type in your blog's web address and voila...you have your blog's personality. Here's mine:

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of. They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.